LWT 28 | Dating, Fear, the Ego & The Teachings of Eckhart Tolle
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In this episode: You want connect with someone you are attracted to. You want to take the first step, but are overcome with fear. All this fear stems from the ego. Becoming aware of the ego is the first step towards overcoming your fears.
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Living With Tolle “Take 5″ is a new series of podcasts full of practical tips to guide you through the challenges of daily life. In this series of short programs, we look at specific, real life situations that challenge our ability to stay present.
Life Coach Greg Larsen and Leo Aristimuno guide us towards a state of awareness and presence through the fundamental teachings of Eckhart Tolle. We also continue to produce our longer, more in-depth podcasts once a month.
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I just want to inform you: this things of “dating” are a big thing in the USA, here in Europe (at least in latin countries: France, Spain, Italy…) it’s much more natural. Normally, you don’t ask a girl for a date as we can see on movies…. you meet her when you are with your friends.. so somehow you are already “dating her” or maybe the same class… or work… but I think that there you date a girl with “intentions”, meaning that both of you know that something can happen (as long as I know by movies, books and 2 american friends), and you dress yourself better… bring her something… very unnatural.
Here you can ask her to have a coffe, or to gou out to dinner, but you go in the quality of a friend.. maybe another day as a friend again, and if the feeling comes, it comes naturally… but you never *expect* the feeling.
Sorry if I didn’t explain myself properly (english is not my language), but the idea is that I think that unnaturality that I see is what makes people feel shy. Here I wouldn’t feel shy because I am not “going for it”… if I would do it in the way you do it there (the date thing) I would feel weid (or shy).
Greetings and good job! Please put podcasts more often, if possible.
Hi Jordi!
Thanks for your comment and the insights on the dating scene in European Latin countries.
Dating is such a complex situation for the ego, because on one hand it wants the date and what that person can add to it’s identity. On the other hand, the ego fears rejection as it might take away from its inflated sense of identity.
Whether it’s dating, or with your boss, or with someone famous, the ego is always trapped in this pull of wanting the other to fulfill it, but at the same time fearful of the rejection. And then we are forced to experience this silliness, which can be anxious and stressful.
Thanks for your encouraging words and we will work on getting more podcasts out.
Greg
Thanks for this!
I’m recently single and find that it’s rare to find a calm, peaceful and neutral social setting for singles to mingle.
Most of the time, the ego hijacks a potential scene.
Reading Eckhart Tolle has opened my eyes to how beautiful relationships can be if we are invested in being aware of our Ego, and help each other work with our Egoistic patterns. Lotsa communication problems would simply be skimmed down and opened bare for close inspection, with minimal emotional distress
Thanks for the comment regarding the non-dating culture, Jordi.
I’m from Asia where there isn’t a clear trend for romantic relationships; there was an age (about a century ago) where we were fixed by elders, and then there’s dating, and also neutral socialising that may lead to more.
Most of my inner circle meet their partners at work, uni/college or through friends, and rarely hookup with strangers at bars etc. A neutral platonic/semi-professional foundation is less stressful, cos we have established common ground and aren’t looking fwd to woo anyone or being woo-ed (is that a word? hihi) so most ppl are pretty relaxed and just be themselves.
The downside? Less wooing = less ooh-ahh-romantic moments; grand gestures that sweeps girls off their feet
But I’d settle for a less than romantic partner over a flamboyant strategist (not that i think everyone who dates are one, just exaggerating to make my point. hihi)
Hi Zee, Thanks so much for offering your reflections. I have a beautiful relationship with my wife because we have an awareness that allows us to flow through the egoic flare-ups. It was a much tougher road in the beginning, but after seven years together we are in such a magnificent place now and our relationship is a deep spiritual practice. And at the same time we have a lot of fun, create romantic moments, really love our kids and the family we have created, and have a vision for our lives together that is really inspiring.
I think that whether you are at a bar or meeting someone at work, the ego still thrives in this environment because the potential for rejection is so big. When you put yourself out there romantically, when you give your heart away, so to speak, that is very fragile ground for the ego. Even if a person is very confident and can easily approach people in a bar setting, all egos are the same and there will always be that fear of rejection.
So, the way forward is to grow in presence power so you can be calm and open in no matter what environment you find yourself in. And the relationship will be much more fulfilling and loving if presence is the base of your experience together.
And on that off topic note, your profile pic only displays if you have an image in a program called Gravatar. An image must have been uploaded to this website with your e-mail address attached to it.
Thanks again for sharing yourself with the community here.
Greg
*off topic*
Err, this is weird.. how did that got up there (my profile picture/id).
I’m not familiar with this site yet, don’t remember if i signed up.
Didn’t login to post comments.
Can someone show me where i can access to the setting?
I live in London (UK) and have been working with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle for around two months now after reading The Power Of Now and watching his web classes with Oprah. I feel a real wish to take up regular contact with other people in London who are working with Tolle to share experiences etc. Through Eckhart Tolle’s website I found a group that apparently meets once every two weeks in Battersea, but my email to that group of about a month ago has gone unanswered. If there is anyone in London who feels similarly maybe we could start our own group? Or just meet up informally?
Matthew.
Hi Matthew, thanks so much for your message! I know the feeling of wanting to connect with like minded folks. Eckhart even states that coming together in groups amplifies presence, so it is highly recommended. I recently stopped by Eckhart’s website to check out the group listings and noticed there are very few groups. The last time I checked there were many more, but they must have purged the system to clear out inactive groups. I know that many folks start groups, but then find that they are unable to maintain them.
The other site that I always recommend to folks is Meetup.com. I just did a search for London and this is what I came up with:
http://etolle.meetup.com/cities/gb/17/london/
The first group listed, Sharing Presence, is organized by Jason Lee Mitchell and I had the opportunity to take a workshop with him when he passed through LA a few years back. He also has his info listed on Eckhart Tolle’s website. He is great and I know you will enjoy this group. (I did see another name listed there, along with phone numbers for both Jason and Vicki, so you may want to give a call).
Jason also mentions on his Meetup homepage that Eckhart will be speaking in London in October, and you may be able to connect with people through attending the event.
The other option is to start a group yourself and list yourself on Eckhart’s website and Meetup (and maybe Craig’s list or other event listing services) and follow the format that Eckhart recommends: silence, watch a video, more silence. I led a group like this for four years and it is very low pressure. I started that journey in 2003 and has inspired so much growth and connection with many, many wonderful people.
Thanks again Matthew for reaching out and let us know if you are able to connect with a group.
Greg