13: The Pain Body in Others (and 2009 Spring Fund Drive)
On this episode of Living with Tolle we discuss other people’s pain bodies. What can you do when you see the special people around you suffering and you want to help? What can you do to support them in their awakening? This month, we’re also holding our Spring Fund Drive!
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Episode 13: The Pain Body in Other People & Spring Fund Drive
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Summary and Key Insights From This Episode
You Can Help Us Grow
We begin this podcast by talking about our Spring Fund Drive. During the month of April, you, our listeners, can help us grow by making a donation online. To show our gratitude, we are offering two special thank you gifts for those who donate: a video meditation and a tele-seminar led by Greg. Thank you in advance for all your support and for helping us continue to grow.
The Pain Body in Those Around Us
(at Minute 9:00)
We begin the discussion by sharing that a lot of recent listener feedback has been around the topic of other people’s pain-bodies. The common refrain in all of these inquires has been:
“I see them suffering and I want to help.”
As we awaken, through the teachings of Eckhart Tolle or other teachings, and cultivate a deeper level of awareness into the causes of our suffering, we naturally want to extend this wisdom or knowledge to those that we love and see suffering. And if the teachings of Eckhart Tolle have triggered your awakening and his insights into the pain-body have been part of a deeper shift, then seeing someone suffer senselessly is not easy to deal with.
Clear insights into the workings of the pain-body in your own life can lead to revelations into your condition and finally enable you to create what Tolle calls “space.” You are finally able to witness the pain body creating havoc within you and for the first time in your life, you can practice being “space” instead of the conditioned reaction. As you create a greater degree of space, then less of your life energy is tangled up in the pain body.
How do I share my insights with those I love?
If you have experienced an awakening, but your spouse, partner, child or parent has not, then how do you share the teachings or insights with them so that they get it? You may be in a similar situation. Most people report that the other is not interested or won’t listen at all. They remain stuck in their unconscious ways and do not want your input or advice. So the best thing you can do is take your focus off of them and re-direct it back to yourself.
If your pain body is being triggered by another person’s pain-body, then the problem is not their pain body but yours. You need to grow in presence power so you can be “space” for the other person. When their pain body is active or acting out, can you be in complete acceptance and offer the “space” to be, for the energy of the pain body to rise and fall? The pain-body in most people will always return to a dormant state, and so it is a matter of not reacting and allowing that energy to subside.
Leo emphasizes that this is not about getting people to “believe in Tolle.” He shares about his own past transformational experiences and the resistance me met from those around him after such growth. Keep in mind that after any sort of deeply transformative experience, the other people in your life will still be at their current level of transformation.
How can being in acceptance of the situation help?
If the other person is not willing to change, or if they have not entered their season of awakening, then resisting their current state of consciousness will only drain you of energy. If you are exerting all of your energy in an attempt to force the person to bend when they are not ready to bend, you will expend much of your precious life energy. If you were to take that life energy and re-direct it back into your own conscious growth, you would generate the ability to be space for your loved one much quicker than if you were exerting all of your energy.
As you harness your own energy to grow in presence power, you will be able to offer those you love one of the greatest gifts you can give: your conscious presence. If you can be consciously present for another, you give the pain-body within them nothing to resist, nothing to feed on. You offer them acceptance, non judgment, and no resistance.
Is there a way I can help them with their awakening?
Yes, besides offering them this precious “space” to be, no matter what is coming up in the present moment, you can also send them your positive regard. Greg shares a story from his coaching training where the group would focus on one individual and send them their positive regard. You can do this yourself by seeing your loved one in your mind’s eye and sending them positive regard, or positive energy.
You can also visualize the other person being awakened, open to the wisdom and information you have to share, and being “space” for their pain-body and for yours.
Visualization is a powerful tool for creating a specific outcome. Top athletes use visualization to create the perfect performance. Top sales producers use visualization to aid with creating a winning presentation and closing the sale. Visualization can also be used to create an awakening!
Leo also shares a practice that will help you fully accept the people around you, even at their most troubling or self-destructive behavior. Visualize the other person at his or her most troubling behavior, when their pain body is most active. Then visualize yourself holding their hand, accepting them without judgment, and sending them your love unconditionally. Since acceptance is the first step towards awakening, this practice will help you accept those around you fully, regardless of where they are in their own awakening.
Questions for further thought and comment
- In what situations does another person’s pain-body trigger your pain-body?
- What are the ways that you can be “space” for your loved ones?
- How have you attempted to awakened those closest to you?
One of the most challenging situations is to be present when those we are close too are acting out through their pain-body. We all need support with this one so let us know what your challenges are or where you are been successful!
Peace,
Leo & Greg
Comment by susan on 8 April 2009:
I have been listening to you both for quite a while and have found your webcast powerful all but for one situation in my life which doesnt seem to resolve.
It is reloving around my 21yr old son who after listening to your latest podcast THE PAIN BODY IN OTHERS , is i realize, seeing everything about me in a negitive light.
It has all come to a head over the last couple of days with my mother his grandmother and my auntie being told some negaitive things about me and my treatment of his bad bahaviour as he sees it, this has resulted in my receiving a nasty email from one ?
To this point i have chosen to accept his behaviour, commenting on things that are in plain denial of what i choose to be the rules of the house, those are that all the family respect the people in the house, engage with the family when passing, do small jobs when asked and pay small amount of housekeeping
He has gone against these rules again and again and again. It is very frustrating so this week with the arrival of the email it has come to light he has been running to family members giving his side of the story and resulting in them saying they wish to never see my face again!! It is extremely upsetting. I have confronted my son who was more than usually confrontational towards me,
I asked him to undo what he had done with the family and to behave in a better way to us here in this house. I am a single parent and have a partner who stays here mostly. I have put off all of us moving in together until problems in this family are resolved.
So finally yesterday he came home barely said hello went to his room and slept. A little while later I went to ask him if he could tidy his room up a bit and had he text the family to put right what he had put wrong.? I know was angry inside because of his attitude towards me still. It ended in me asking him to get his stuff and go away for a few weeks to think it over and to come back if he cant sort out his head about me apparently not being a good enough mother to him… I am heartbroken and feel that i tried accetpance over and over and over with him and it failed. I then was of the opinion that NO! YOU CANT TREAT PEOPLE THIS WAY AND STILL LIVE A COMFORTABLE LIFE HERE. towards him believing this could be the answer, but that resulted in him running to get my family on side by twisting the truth of what had really happened….
…. It ended in me asking him to get his stuff and go away for a few weeks to think it over and to come back if he CAN sort his head out, about me apparently not being a good enough mother to him..
your truly
Susan
I am interested to hear other comments on how they have turned around such situations, when acceptance doesnt work!
Your Truly
Susan
Comment by Greg on 10 April 2009:
Hi Susan,
Thank you for sharing your situation with your son and being open and honest. When I talk about being in acceptance of a situation, it means being conscious, alert, pro-active, and dynamic. This type of awareness does not mean being resigned, but seeing the truth the best you can and making a conscious choice. If the situation is creating this much tension, then maybe the best choice was to ask your son to leave. You know the situation best and what choice or course of action is required to nurture presence.
If you know it is his pain-body that is shaping his perception of you, and it does sound that way, then know that the pain-body will always find the most negative perspective and want to dramatize or tells further lies to create more pain. The pain-body thrives on more pain.
At times, the best course of action for someone who is heavily taken over by their pain-body is to put them in jail, or medicate them, or ask them to move out. Their actions may be to damaging to continue to create “space” for them. If that is the case in your situation, then you need to make a conscious choice and be okay with that.
The idea behind being “space” for others is that you are no longer triggered by their pain-body. If you are still being triggered, and if their actions are “out of bounds” or illegal, then you need to make a conscious choice so your pain-body is not taking you down.
You cannot reason with a pain-body. You can only offer “space,” and if that is not effective, meaning the other person is not growing or evolving consciously, then drastic choices may be required.
You know the answer that is best for you, but those answers are hard to hear if your pain body is triggered. I recommend that you listen to the inner-body meditation on this website. Then at the end, when you are grounded and present, ask yourself this question: how can I take care of myself and best support my son?
Can you see beyond how your son is reacting through his pain-body, and see the truth of who he is at his core? Visualize your son with a smile on his face, loving you, appreciating you. His pain-body may be covering this up, but that love is still there within him.
I’m sending you positive regard Susan for a conscious and accepting relationship with your son!
Greg
Comment by Paul Sirotta on 12 April 2009:
“Shucks! I tried everything I could think of to make things come out the way I wanted, all in vain. Finally I tried acceptance, over and over, and that didn’t work, either.”
Does that about sum up the situation?
Well, is acceptance supposed to be just another strategy we employ to make things work out the way we wish, so that we can be more comfortable? In other words, do I accept you as you are in the hope that this will change you into what I want you to be?
True acceptance is surrender, and it begins with the realization that nothing outside needs to change to make me feel better inside. The discomfort I experience is not in the situation, whatever it is, but inside myself, and is due to my resistance to it.
My responsibility is not to fix the world, but to stop contributing to the world’s suffering and to end my own suffering by taking responsibility for my inner space.
Full acceptance of the situation you describe would put an end to your pain, no matter how it actually turns out.
Paul
Comment by Monique on 10 May 2009:
I am enjoying the podcasts so much. I download them and put them on my MP3 player. That way I can listen to them when I am cycling. I hope that you will be able to continue making them for a long time. I would miss them otherwise
Comment by Greg on 20 May 2009:
Hi Monique,
Thanks for listening and I’m glad we can bring an experience of presence to your cycling!
Our goal is to continue producing these podcasts for as long as Life is calling use to serve in this manner! How is Life calling you to serve? This is the question Eckhart recommends you ask yourself as a tool for discovering your life purpose!
All the best.
Greg
Comment by Patricia on 9 June 2009:
I have nbeen listening to Tolle for last year. Just found you on iTunes, I have been out of work for last year, and dont want to go back to same kind of job. listining to Tolle has help me to be more peaceful. and there are times i have the thoughts of OTHER than whats now in front of me. so here I am.
Comment by Patricia on 9 June 2009:
another thing thats been happening for me, i get upset- but insted of anger or how wrong another person is, i ‘feel’ it in my body, often in my lower tummy has great pain- i see how i use to run away from it by eating or anger
Comment by Greg on 9 June 2009:
Hi Patricia,
So happy that you have found us! All the best on your job search and you may want to check out podcast #8 and #12 for guidance on your journey! Reflecting on “how is Life calling me to serve” is also a great place to start.
Regarding your second comment, I’m not 100% sure from your description what your situation is, but it sounds like you are more aware than ever of the reaction as it is happening to you. As Eckhart states, “Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”
Now that you are growing in presence power, as you become upset, the emotion that follows is no longer completely taking you over and forcing you to eat or be angry. From your description, it sounds like you are experiencing this great pain in your solar plexus. My guess is that your body, and its vast intelligence, is trying to wake you up to the fact that being upset and feeling anger is actually harmful/painful to the body.
Your presence is waking you up to the reality of what happens physically to your body every time you become upset and then you become angry or eat.
That’s my guess. You need to discern the truth of your experience for yourself. Why are you now experiencing this pain in your lower tummy when you get upset? You know the answer - it is just a matter of becoming present and tuning in.
Thanks Patricia for being a part of our community and Leo will get back to you soon regarding your other questions.
Keep in touch!
Greg
Comment by Jenny on 9 June 2009:
Hi Greg,
here is Jenny at 4 o`clock in the morning in Munich, Germany.
When I was tossing around in my bed for hours, not being able to fall asleep, caus my painbody was giving me a hard time, feeling uptight and anxious about life and myself, thoughts racing ,crying and feeling again like the little child in the childrenshome, lost and helpless. Just when my mind was turning to go crazy, I decided to get up and remembered your page. It really helped to read and listen and somehow its much better than reading abook, because I felt, that I was not alone but part of a community, where everybody is struggling with similar problems. So it cr eated space and maybe I can find some sleep now, that Iam more down to earth - THE BIRDS ARE ALREADY SINGING THEIR MORNINGSONGS. So thank you so much for this website with all the courageous people being so honestly human.By the way iam 61, have a wonderful 26 year old daughter and I was just being left by ma partner for a much younger woman - loss is a very strong starter for my painbody. love to everyone outthere, lets never stop supporting each other !! Jenny
Comment by Greg on 10 June 2009:
Hi Jenny,
I trust you were able to get some rest once space was created:) I’m so happy to hear that the website, podcast, and the community could be of help for you. Yes, we are all struggling with similar problems - the structure of the ego is the same for all of us, it is just the specific story that is interchangeable.
Thanks for sharing about your current situation. Yes, loss is a very juicy life situation for the pain body to feast upon. I’m sending you positive regard for a conscious and healing journey! So glad you have a wonderful daughter to support you.
Take care.
Greg
Comment by Jenny on 13 June 2009:
thank you Greg for taking your time to answer - I find it really touching and supportive.
loss is a big theme in my life, since I was put into an orphan home by mother from th 1st month till I was almost 4 years old. Although I have done alot of therapy the matter of relationship is quite a painful issue for me - I tend to leave before iam left or choose
partners where the situation is very difficult. Mainly I found its all
about not being able to really trust and let go . I dont want to be depencdent and at thesame time i find it very hard to be comfortable just with myself - i feel incredibly lost and sad. when I get really still in meditation there is so much sadness and tears comin g up - at least it makes me feel more open and soft but also very vulnerable. I was always searching for love but it seems I was more romantic than realistic . I feel being my own hindrance and a deep sence of worthlessness and shame inside. I know its not true and I have very sweet friends and I wish I would be not so disappointing. May be I have too much selfpity. its difficult to become human in the best sense. have a joyful weekend with your family love jenny
Comment by Greg on 14 June 2009:
Hi Jenny,
Thank you for sharing yourself so openly and honestly. Awareness is the greatest agent for change, and being open and honest will afford you a greater sense of awareness.
You are loved so unconditionally from deep within, that One Life at the core of all life forms, and that is why I always guide people to that inner body meditation. Your pain can be dissolved, your story can be less energized, by disentangling your life energy from those stories and your thoughts about those stories. So go deep within and continue to draw from that never ending wellspring.
It is okay to feel sadness and tears coming up when you do so - that softness and openness is your true nature.
Within the process of life coaching, the past is honored and accepted, but the focus is on your current level of interaction with life and then the life you want to create. It may be difficult or challenging to become human, but what is the other choice. You can either grow in presence power and create the experience of being more human, or not.
I support you 100% creating a life of presence, connection, love, and being at peace with your past. You were given the miracle of life, a very precious gift, and that gift of life is yours to explore the joy of living - and to serve others.
Sharing your story will undoubtedly be a gift to some other visitor on this site. The story of your past is one gift you can share. I know you have many more gifts to offer.
How can you share your gifts? How can you be in service to others - and possibly others who share a similar past experience - knowing that as you enrich the lives of others your life will be enriched in return!
We all support you Jenny!
Greg
Comment by Vince Auber on 12 March 2010:
Greg,
I just found this site the other day. Have listened to several of your podcasts. Thanks. I have done the inner body meditation before but did yours as well. One thing that helped was you said what we were to feel. I can feel my heart beating in my chest and pulsing throughout my body. Eckhart said to feel the aliveness but didn’t say what that was. After doing your meditation I got into a discussion with one of the bosses here. In the process I started to tell him my story of woe. At the end of the story I felt poorly. When I got into my truck the sadness started to grow. From somewhere deep within a voice came up and said if you don’t like your story write a new one. At that point, emotion flooded through my body, sadness and great joy all at the same time. Frankly, it really scared me but gave me elation too. I have had releases from contractions before, but don’t think ever one so powerful. Though I was able to get some sleep last night I also reflected on what just happened.
To me this showed me how I was feeding my pain body. My greater awareness boosted me into the light. At this juncture I have decided to start a new story and quit living in the past. I think I actually took pride in my story because it gave me the sympathy card in relationships. If you have any thoughts on how to improve integration that would be great.
I have been working on meditation for years. A few years back I came across Eckhart and his teachings reverberated with me. I just got one of his discs about a month ago and it talked about the pain body. I know of its presence now, but am still discovering its many ways of bringing itself forth and causing havoc. Attachment to my story is one of those I had not seen before.
I have been going to a therapist for a while and she told me I was still fighting. I think I have shifted a little to allow better acceptance of those things I see arising in me. The one thing that is odd, is when I catch a feeling arising or a thought I swing my awareness to it and observe it. I almost always end up with a big grin on my face even though I allow it to be. I feel I am surrounding it with JOY and usually it melts away quickly. In certain respects, I am diving into the emotion rather than running from it. I now know that the only way out is through. I have heard this many times before, but am now trying to live it.
I wonder if the grin is really simple joy, or if it is ego latching onto my catching the feeling/thought. I think it must really be joy because the recognition of it and acceptance of it makes it melt away and under all of this pain is the simple joy of life.
I am getting pretty good at catching these things as they arise. I would think this is a rise of consciousness, correct? I have also found that as I bring awareness to the ego/thoughts, that they become more devious in how they bring themselves forward. I figure out one approach and it comes forth another way. Then I catch it and so on. Is this growth?
Well I best get back to work. I said long ago that I wanted to live through my emotions, there is no time like the present.
Thanks again for a wonderful site!
Best Regards,
Vince
Comment by Greg on 15 March 2010:
Hey Vince, thanks so much for sharing yourself so openly and honestly. As Eckhart states, “Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”
So good to hear your feedback with the inner body meditation. Yes, knowing what that aliveness is, that inner pulsating feeling or tingling feeling, strengthens your connection with Source and cultivates the intimacy that is available to you. The inner-body meditation is an important spiritual practice and I encourage you to continue practicing.
Wow, sounds like you had a powerful experience with your release the other day. Spiritual transformation can be scary because it is still so rare in society. We don’t really know what it is so it can be scary as a shift is occurring. Yes, it sounds like your pain-body was feeding on the story of woe and your growing presence enabled you to rise above it.
I like the metaphor of life jacket. Your presence power keeps just enough of you above the water, or the turbulence of the pain body attack, that you can maintain awareness. This is an amazing gift you have. To have enough presence to keep you afloat in the grips of a pain body attack is a great reflection of where you are at on your journey!
What to do from here? Keep growing in presence power so you can wrap yourself in the best life jacket available. Your state of presence determines if you are able to consciously stay afloat or be pulled under by the thoughts and emotion. So continue with the practices that resonate with you and allow you to grow consciously.
Regarding that big grin on your face when you catch the pain body coming up to feed, that is another great sign of your growing consciousness. That grin would not be there if you where totally in the grips of the ego. Let me know when you start bursting out in hysterical laughter because it’s just so dang funny what the ego is up too!!
Just one quick distinction - I wouldn’t say you are avoiding or diving into the emotion, but rather being “space” for it. Diving into the emotion can have a connotation of exploring your past to see where it came from. Eckhart does not recommend this because you will only find an endless pit of past pain to explore. Just be aware of what aspects of your past, or story, are rolling through your mind right now and be “space” for those thoughts as the drift by.
Yes, as I became more aware of my ego/pain-body, I also felt they became more devious! It will always come forth in another way until you grow consciously to the point where you are no longer pulled to and fro by your thoughts. The more you grow in consciousness, the greater your ability to catch the new way in which unconsciousness is trying to pull you under. This is growth!! As I’ve heard Eckhart state before, “How do I know where I am at with regards to my spiritual growth? By the degree of peace that you feel.”
It sounds like you are discovering a greater degree of peace! That is awesome Vince and it sounds like you have done a good job making space in your life to grow consciously. Keep it up and keep us posted on your progress. Your willingness to share your experience is benefiting many others who visit here and are in a similar situation as you. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Sending you positive vibes for your journey! Greg
Comment by Vince Auber on 15 March 2010:
Greg,
Thanks so much for your response. I feel I am heading in the right direction, but it is always good to have a reality check.
I said that many times when I catch the pain body/ego/stupid thought coming up I end up with a big grin on my face. This is true and I did wonder if it was egoic for me to do so. Besides having the big grin, there are times when I bust out laughing. I thought maybe it was only me who would do that, but the thought is just so far out there that you have to laugh. Guess I am not the only one.
When I talked about diving into the pain/emotion what I mean is turning back into the emotion. At times I will have a contraction and can’t figure out what is causing it now. (Probably just the Pain Body causing problems.) Anyway, I use to pull away from such emotions and suppress them. You can get away with this for a while, but sooner or later the emotion’s force keeps building until the damn bursts. Then I would find myself drowning.
So now what I do is when I catch myself pulling away or suppressing an emotion I turn and face it. When I do this I feel the emotion flow through me and that disapates its force. Thoughts can be discounted, but emotions must be felt. If I don’t allow myself to feel an emotion than it will keep on building until I do. Just like waves at the beach, sooner or later that wave is going to catch up and you can let it roll you on the beach or turn into it and allow it to flow through you and pass.
One of my big problems right now is keeping thought out of the equation. Thought creates emotion, but emotion gives the thought power. Once the emotion has power, you must allow it to flow or it will cause all kinds of problems in your life.
This maybe the wrong way to proceed, but it is the only way I have found that works for me. If you can catch a thought emerging and keep it from getting into emotion, the thought will lose power and float away. If the thought triggers emotion and then the emotion gets back into the thought processes, the whole situation just got amplified and will start a self feeding cycle that can consume you. So I have learned to accept emotion and deflect throughts. I ocasionally get caught, but much less so. I hope to get to the point where I can catch the thought, discount/accept it, and keep emotion out. This will stop the cycle before it starts.
Maybe this isn’t the proper way to do it, but it does seem to work for me. It is quite difficult to do at work, but I grab a minute here and there to reflect inward. This allows the time to take the power from these things.
Hope my pradelling isn’t a problem, but much of this is hard to put into words. I have just contacted a meetup group near me. Maybe being with like minded people will help my practice too. It seems like this stuff comes in waves so it would be nice to have others for support.
Appreciate your site. Sent a small donation to help.
Regards,
Vince
Comment by Greg on 17 March 2010:
Hey Vince, thanks again for sharing. It’s great to hear you are bursting out in laughter regarding those “far out there” thoughts, because the egoic mind can spin some pretty outrageous stories!! Several times per day in my case!
What you have shared is the basic point of these teachings. Thought will always be there rolling through the mind. Thought is not the problem, it’s your identification with those thoughts. That’s when they get tangled up with emotion.
That is the journey I’m on - to withdraw energy/emotion from my thoughts. The inner-body meditation I facilitate is designed to aid in this process. As you grow in presence power and break the identification with thought, then you can begin to dissolve the past pain of your pain-body. And it sounds like this is the journey you are on right now. It sounds like what you are doing is working, so keep it up!!
Then as thought is freed from the negative energy of the pain-body, your thinking becomes more creative, inspired, intuitive, and loving. And this is just your natural state of being - your true potential. Just image all the energy wasted everyday on thinking negative thoughts based on a phantom self. Wow!
Great to hear you are connecting with a local meetup. Practicing presence in a group setting is a very power spiritual practice and I highly recommend it! Being with like-minded people amplifies presence in a wonderful way.
So glad you appreciate the site and thanks for the donation. It does help!
Sending you more positive vibes for a blessed day! Freedom! Greg
Comment by Vince Auber on 17 March 2010:
Greg,
One last question, at least for the mean time, How do you distinguish thoughts from feelings? I grew up only being allowed to have certain feelings. This has caused me confusion in my adult life. Feelings a thoughts come pretty close together but I always felt that thought drove feelings, then once a feeling is started it can drive further thought. Stopping this cycle can be difficult. The only thing that helps me is allowing the feeling to flow through me, as I mentioned, but if I don’t stop the thought that started to feeling in the first place I am doomed to repeat the cycle over and over again. How do you get this cycle to stop? I am getting better at it, but can always use new insight.
I have found that I was delving back into thoughts and feelings which can cause a never ending cycle. You saying that in the earlier email keyed me on that again. Although I do get great releases and the emotion floats away, it seems I keep falling back into the old pattern. I feel the reason is I don’t want to suppress emotions, but in doing so I am creating emotions by overly wanting to recognize them which starts additional thought. Any suggestions?
Best Regards,
Vince
Comment by Terry on 18 March 2010:
Hi Vince,
I follow this site and occasionally drop in. I was enthralled by your comments. You could be me. I too struggled with being present and emotion feeding thoughts, feeding emotion, feeding thoughts… and on and on. I think I may have posted some of my experieinces here. Here are some of my “discoveries”.
I separate emotion from “feeling”. Emotion is a response to something outside. “Feeling”, to me, is what comes from inside. That would be “joy”and”peace”. Emotions are anger, happiness, desire, despair…all things that are triggered by outside events and then my choice of how to react.
For a long time I tried using “being present” and being the “watcher” to diffuse the emotions that came from powerful negative thinking (the pain body). It didn’t really work. I came to realize that being present, being “the watcher” has no agenda…only to be aware. The less I tried to change what was happening, the more what was happening became okay…even troubling emotions and thoughts.
I’m like you and find a smile on my face when the pain body has taken over and I am aware. Because I find it so funny that I was totally not present and could let that happen…AGAIN! I have gone “into the emotion” as well…but not with any meaning to anyayze it or change it. Simply to watch it happen.
Here’s what I find myself doing now. Once I am aware that my pain body is hard a work and thoughts are running wild, I immediately draw my attention to “now”. If I’m walking, as I do a lot, I hear my footsteps, I watch the “space” around me instead of the things in the space, I listen for sounds that are happening now, I go inside to “feel” the life that is in me and expand that to all around me.
At work, if someone has triggered my pain body, I become attentive to my emotions and thoughts while still focusing on the person. I remember that my emotions are my own creations. That person is simply there telling his or her “own story”. I count it a miracle the first time I was able to step back and watch my self react to another person. It’s interesting to catch yourself in mid-sentence when all of a sudden you realize you are caught up in someone else’s “drama”. It frees you.
All of this is to say that I think you are heading in the right direction. Forget “trying” to rid yourself of thoughts and emotions. Instead watch these things happen and let them be okay. I had some extreme emotional crying fits when I first started meditating. Naturally I tried and tried to overcome them because they were terifying. Finally, I just started watching them happen, and let them be okay. I no longer have such great upheaval.
Not to say that I don’t have to still face the pain body on a regular basis or that I don’t get emotional (but much less so…I haven’t had an anxiety attack for the last couple of years). But, whatever is, is okay.
Now I must apologize for my ramblings and I hope you discern some help from my words.
All the best,
Terry
Comment by Terry on 18 March 2010:
I meant to add in dealing with others. If you can reach a point where you feel yourself separated from the emotion and are in a watching mode, change your focus from “you” to the other person. Listen carefully to the tone of his or her voice, watch his eyes, pay attention to her body language, realize that you and he are one, ask yourself “what does this person need from me now?”, send love to that other person, no matter what they are saying or doing that might have once triggered you in to pain.
If you can only let this happen for a few seconds, it’s a “feeling” you will never forget and a peace will come to you that you never new before.
Comment by admin on 19 March 2010:
@Terry Thanks so much for your comments and contributions to this conversation and discovery process.
I very much relate to your last comment and have had very similar experiences once I shifted my awareness to the other person - especially when I realize that he/she and I are one. It has helped me diffuse my emotional engagement or reaction and instead has allowed me to connect into the common humanity/life force that we share. When facing people who trigger my pain body, this practice has helped me turn frustration into empathy, boredom into awareness, anger into understanding…
This is a very powerful transformation that follows the initial awareness of my own emotions/thoughts/reactions that an individual may trigger. After this self-awareness, I become aware of the form that is the individual before me and then I am able to look beyond form and see the common life force shared with him/her. This allows me to literally transform my perception of form into an awareness of life.
Thanks again! Leo
Comment by admin on 19 March 2010:
@Vince. Hi Vince, Leo here.
Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. I can certainly relate to the frustration or that cycle as you called it that can emerge when trying too hard to master one’s thoughts and emotions.
The word that comes to me in checking this cycle is acceptance. I think Terry is right on in recommending to simply accept without engaging in the story of self-criticism (”Am I enlightened yet? But I still feel frustrated! There I go again!”).
One practice that has helped me is to shift my awareness in one of two directions: First inside, with the question “what’s going on inside of me right now?” This simply helps me become aware of my emotional engagement with that cycle.
The other direction is actually outside. I literally look around me and shift my awareness to life. I look at a tree, or at the energy of my children, or the common humanity I share with those around me. This shift to the outside is beautiful because it takes me outside of the form that is this body, this situation, or this individual that’s causing an emotional reaction. I can put things in perspective and realize that, in relation to the beautiful magnitude of life, this one emotion or frustration that may overtake me at any given moment is actually miniscule and, dare I say, trivial. Without dismissing the importance of handling any challenge or situation before me, I am able to look outside, connect with the larger forces of the universe, take a big breath, and disconnect from the drama. I accept the challenge before me while tapping into an awareness of the much greater flow of life around me.
I hope this helps!
Leo