How Am I Doing?
As we move into our sixth month producing Living With Tolle podcast, I find myself asking: “How am I doing?”
For me, this question manifests itself in different words. I find myself asking things like:
“What do I do to stay on track?” – which implies uncertainty, instability, and less than full acceptance of the process of cultivating awareness — which may not look like my ego imagined it.
Or I might ask, “Why am I still doing this (behavior)? Where did I go wrong?” This is a more judgmental, or self-critical approach that focuses on the pain of perceived failure.
I even ask the ever more skeptical “Does this really work?” – a disempowering question that projects my own egoic resistance upon external things such as the teachings, the practices, or Eckhart himself.
But when I return to the simple “how am I doing?” I leave open a certain vagueness in the words that allows me to check in with how I am feeling, to ask myself “what’s going on inside of me right now?” -a question that fosters awareness and acceptance.
Indeed, as I continue to cultivate awareness and presence through “Living With Tolle,” I find myself noticing more about my daily life, learning from it, and cultivating awareness through situations I’d never noticed before.
So, I’m going to open up and begin blogging more about how I’m doing and what’s going on inside me right now.
I’d like to share with you some of my own experiences as I continue to apply Tolle’s teachings to my daily life. I’ll be doing this because this cyber-journaling will allow me to reflect and grow.
I’m also doing this to connect with those of you out there who are also searching for enlighenment, peace, inner joy, and awareness. As you try to apply the teachings to daily life, I imagine that, like me, you also run into challenges that make you question how you’re “doing.”
I look forward to connecting, sharing, confiding, reflecting, and learning…
to be well.
Peace,
Leo
Comment by Linda on 19 February 2009:
Hi Leo,
It never ceases to amaze me (my ego) how quickly I fall into unconscious thinking: fear, worry, projection, judgement, etc. This is humbling. I (my ego) wants perfection. What we are, Consciousness, has nothing to do with perfection. We are the space that allows imperfection to be. We are the space that allows the pain body to scream out. Having direct experience of Presence, whenever possible, allows me to remember who I am and then consciously align with that space.
The greatest “progress” I’ve made on my spiritual journey is being aware of this. When we are truly aware of this, EVERYTHING that “happens” to us is fuel for consciousness. Dissolving the ego through awareness “hurts so good” (that sounds sick, but you know what I mean!).
There are no mistakes in God’s universe. The totality of the universe has brought you to this moment (Eckhart). Faith or fear? What’s it gonna be?
Namaste,
Linda
Comment by admin on 2 March 2009:
Hi Linda,
“Having direct experience of Presence, whenever possible, allows me to remember who I am and then consciously align with that space.”
That is such a peaceful way of seeing it – “aligning.” Not correcting, not changing, not improving, not succeeding, but consciously “aligning” myself with Presence. Sublime.
Thank you.
Leo
Comment by Nic on 2 March 2009:
Hi Linda
What you says really resonates with me, thanks for sharing this.
Nic
Comment by Nic on 3 March 2009:
Tolle (paraphrased), taken from the Esalen CD set:
Who you really are – the field of stillness, conscious – allows everything to exist in it just the way it is. And so, it is free from these forms, whether they are thought-forms, physical objects, situations, sense-perceptions etc. Your true nature is pure, innocent and yet infinitely more vast than any form or object. This is the fullness of who you are, and you release this when you are present – then you no longer identify yourself with the limited world of form. You simply say yes to it rather than resist it. This is the Now.